When Life - Secrets I'm Releasing
2 years ago, I became buddies with @thewhenlife and I immediately fell in love with the story concept of the page.
I am full of stories but there is a story of my life I wanted to share that no one knows and will never know. My parents, husband, best friends, and sister don't know this. Many seasons came and went, many opportunities came and left to submit stories, but it never happened. I couldn't find the courage to share this but today I want to say it for the sake of not taking this to my grave.
I was sexually molested by my own brother when I was 10 years old.
He was 15 years old. It happened twice. Not only me, I saw him molest my younger sister that same week and I watched it happen. She was only 7 years old. My brother was always and still is a protector of me. We had a beautiful childhood together. We played a lot. We spent a lot of time together.
While I write this story, I feel angry at him for tainting that perfect family picture of my childhood. But he has a story too which is also tainted.
A few years ago, my dad and my brother had a huge argument. My brother revealed that he was sexually molested by my dad's friends for years. He blamed my dad for not creating a safe environment in the house. Growing up, we used to have lot of people come over to our house and chill. Lots of my dad's friends used to hang out with us. My dad was always busy with work, but he is a generous man. He used to let his friends stay over, eat food with us or hang out if they needed a place to stay.
My parents married very young and had kids really young too. So, all these friends were in their 20s or early 30s. Unmarried/childless bunch of men hanging around in our house. My mom was just busy in the kitchen all day long and my dad busy at work. This gave these men room to abuse.
I was also sexually assaulted by one of those men too. It happened once when I was 8 years old. I was just staring at his face. I was so confused.
I think it was my stare that made him stop what he was doing mid-way. I ended up telling my family years after and put that incident behind me. But the argument between my dad and brother left my whole family in shock. My brother was molested for years and by multiple people. But finally, after years, my brother got his peace by sharing it, but I was still stuck without my peace.
My dad's friend molesting me didn't cause me pain and heartache because he was an evil man.
I gave him all my hate and curses over the years. I hope he rots in hell.
But I can't hate my brother and what he did hurts my soul. We are a close-knit family. My brother is very close to us. He is happily married and has kids.
We never talked about what happened as if it never happened. Why did he do what he did? Did he do this to me because someone else did it to him? Did he think it was okay to do this? He wasn't an adult either. He was a teenager, but he should have known this is wrong. Why did he do it?
I will never get my answers… I forgave him long time ago and I especially forgave him after finding out what happened to him. But no one can know my story because things will never be the same. We came far away and far from what happened to us. Now, we act like nothing even happened.
After saying this story, I am going to let this incident of my life rest in peace. I am glad I didn't have to take this to my grave.
Submitted by: Anonymously
It is such a privilege to have you share your story here with me. And an honor to be entrusted with it. I pray for peace over you and your family. I pray for healing in your heart and mind. And know that you are always loved here.
I just want to add that I really hope you are able to put this behind you. I believe that you are doing the right thing in forgiving him. From the way you describe him, your brother was just confused and your parents didn’t help in setting the boundaries. I would have hoped you were able to have a conversation him, almost for his sake because I think he is living with this guilt. He needs to forgive himself too.
I’m happy you have found your peace. Prayers to you.