For the last two years, I’ve been carrying and hiding what I had perceived to be the biggest and most shameful part of my life.
This week, I signed the papers that will dissolve my marriage. How could I be divorced at the age of 30?!
I felt sad, ashamed, unworthy and that I had failed God. I struggled with letting go and moving on for months. I lost everything. My husband, my car, savings and what little dignity I had. My heart was crushed.
I’m ashamed to say that for years I was a judgmental, selfish and broken person.
God BROKE me.
I cried regularly, acted impulsively and made every attempt to “save” my marriage. In hindsight, I know now that God had no intentions of saving my marriage, He was saving ME. God was saving me from myself. He broke me so far down that I had nowhere else to go but up. He taught me to lean and depend on Him.
I learned the importance of constant and meaningful prayer. He taught me to love more like Jesus, compassion and resilience. Through this difficult season of life, I have also learned the importance of “my people”. My family and friends have been amazing support systems throughout this process.
To my ex, I want to say two things. First, I am sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t the wife you needed me to be. Second, thank you. Thank you for letting me go an allowing me to become the person I am now. I am so overwhelmingly grateful and thankful for the trials and tribulations that have brought me to the place I’m at today. Given that the last two plus years have been and felt like a complete whirlwind, every bit of it was worth it!
I could see so much of myself in this story. Divorce is so hard no matter the situation. Whitney and I met on Instagram several years ago and she is such a sweet and beautiful soul. I have seen her transformation over the past few years and I can attest that she has emerged as a diamond under pressure.
Thank you Whitney for sharing your story!
Love and lemons,